On Time and Wanting

posted on: Friday, December 17, 2010

I have two bottles of nail polish. One is brownish, one is clear. That's it. I haven't painted my nails in so long I couldn't even tell you when the last time was. I soooo long to be the type of girl who has time for such things.
(Also, I'm pretty sure clear nail polish isn't even really considered polish, it's top coat)

So, I have been feeling melancholy lately and a little down on myself.  It's just that there never seems to be enough time for all the things I want in my life. I have been dreaming of the kind of girl I could be if I just had a little extra time (okay a lot of extra time)

I want to not have to write this blog on my lunch break at work. I want to read fashion magazines and try new kinds of makeup. I wish I could spend hours shopping the web or even in real stores looking for cute clothes and styling fun outfits. I wish I had more time to learn new things. I want to take up piano and expand my knowledge of design and architecture. I want to read more. I want to discover new music and spend hours listening to a record over and over again, memorizing every word.

I want to catch up on the tv shows I have DVR'd.

But, at the same time I also want to spend all my time with Wes and teach him new things and discover the world with him. I want to make sure he is getting plenty of attention and affection. I want to make sure he is learning new things every day. I want to play with him more. I want to paint water colors with him. I want to spend hours talking to Josh in bed in the dark before falling asleep. I want to get more than a few hours sleep at night too.

In other words, I really need to figure out how to ditch this full time job of mine.

Alright, I realize that's not going to happen anytime soon and I have to keep reminding myself I should be thankful that I even have a job. And with the baby coming, time is going to get even more crunched. I need to find a way to be okay with all the things I'm not.

I'm working on it.


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