Three Months Old

Dear Oren,

You are three months old today. Three months is said to be the magical age where newborns finally begin to adjust to life on the outside (the 4th trimester if you will) and the age I have been longing for since your nightly fits of colic first began. But you know what?... despite all the crying and fussiness, it still came too fast. As happy as I am that you are finally settling into your new life out here in the big bright world, I wish I could keep you my little baby forever. I love that when I pick you up after a long nap you still tuck your legs up to your chest and curl into a sleepy little ball. I love the smell of your skin and your sweet milky breath hot on my neck while you sleep, deep and sweaty on my skin. I love how soft your hair still is and how the bottom of your feet are still smooth and untouched. I love all the new things you're doing, like starting to roll over (you're this close!) and reaching out and trying to hold things. But every time you do something new my heart breaks a little too. You are changing too fast, growing like a weed and before I even know it you will be running around just like your brother, busy and curious and ready to take on the world.

***

At night I put you to bed in your bassinet right beside me. But most nights, after you wake for your first feeding I can't resist the urge to rest your head on my pillow and lay there with you, nose to nose. Your little hands exploring my face, listening to your soft coos and the happy noises you make as I whisper to you in the dark. And after awhile you finally begin to tire, your little legs stop kicking and your eyelids start to close. I curl my body up around your tiny one and hold on to you for dear life. I watch you dream and smile in your sleep and I soak in every minute I have with you small and sweet and all mine.

***

These last three months have been heaven sent. No matter how much crying you have done or how much rocking, bouncing or walking laps around the house I have done, I wouldn't take back a second of it. Every day I wake up with you there beside me feels like Christmas morning. Sometimes I think I must be the luckiest girl in the world and even winning the lottery wouldn't make me feel the way I felt the day I got you. Three months are already gone and my stomach twists a little and the lump in my throat grows bigger just thinking about how fleeting time is. I just want you to know how much I treasure you and I look forward to all the life we still have ahead of us to share.

I love you with all my heart,

Mommy