Reflections

My sister in law, Jessica, sent me this picture the other day. It's a picture she took of Wes from his first Christmas that she just happened to stumble across. It's been less than three years since this was taken but, somehow, it doesn't even seem like the same person. I have a hard time even remembering him this size. I can barely fathom that there was a time when he couldn't talk and didn't have this big personality we've all grown to know and love. Then I look at Oren and I can't picture him any bigger and can't fathom the thought that in two or three years I might not be able to remember exactly how he looks and smells and sounds right now either. What happens when they're 5, 10, 20 years old? How much will I have forgotten by then?

Everyday, I try to pause for a moment and just take them in. Really look at their faces and try to appreciate them for what they are right this very second, because tomorrow they will be different. I am learning the value in taking a break from the errands and chores and the daily business of living to stop and appreciate that these are some of the greatest days of my life. Days of little sleep and lots of hard work, but never the less, days I know I will long for when they're older. Days when I am still the center of their universe, where I'm the first thing they see when they wake up and the last they see when I tuck them into bed. I will only occupy this much of their world for so long, and every day that they grow older, they will need me a little less. And oh, what a gut wrenching thought that is...but a proud one too. Because this is really what it's all about - this most important job called parenthood. Raising these two boys up. Raising them up to be independent and capable and most importantly, good people. And as we work toward that goal, heartbreaking as it is, everytime they accomplish something new, I'm reminded of what I'm really here for and proud to know I'm doing my job well.