For the Love of Lori

Wes starts school in less than six weeks. Pre-school to be more specific. But he'll be going full time. All week, 7:30am until 2:30pm + aftercare three days a week (except Mondays I'm keeping him home with me, because I'm his mother and that's my perogative and no, I don't want to loose out on any time with my baby and before it's mandatory that he go five days a week that's just the way it's going to be and I don't want to hear anything about it).

This is giving me extreme anxiety. Not a surprise, because that's just what I do. Get anxious about stuff and this is going to be a big transition, so cue the insomnia and nervous leg bouncing! I've been trying to put my finger on exactly what's bothering me, because he's very ready for school. He's smart as a whip, excited to go and I know he will flourish in that environment. Also, since I'm keeping him home Mondays I won't miss any extra time with him that I'm not already. It's a good school, less than five minutes from my office and I'm comfortable with his classroom and teacher...so what's the deal?

Then it hit me. Oh, Lori.

His babysitter Wednesday - Friday. I love her and I mean that. The kind of love that you have for someone you entrust with your most precious earthly posessions. I love her and her family and her beautiful home and the outstanding care she's given to Wes and will continue to provide for Oren. I love the feeling of trust and comfort I have knowing they're with her when I can't be and the feeling of peace I get knowing there is absolutely nothing I need to worry about when she's in charge.

I'm not sure if you remember the rather arduous search for a babysitter we endured after our first and last sitter moved away. But it was one of the most high anxiety, gut wrenching experiences I've had since becoming a parent. Not knowing if we'd be able to find the right person to trust with our kids, wondering if we'd have to settle for just someone and not the one...talk about sleepless nights. I remember our first meeting with Lori (after many, many, many failed prospects) sitting across her kitchen table fighting back tears of joy and relief, knowing she was everything I had been looking for.

She sends me pictures like this throughout the day with captions that say I love my job.

Or ones like this, telling me how proud she is of Wes because he was brave in the pool today.

She's even started taking Wes to swimming lessons on Wednesdays for me - her idea.

I could go on.

and on.

and on and on and on and on.

So, when I think about Wes starting school and his time being spent with someone other than Lori or Abby or me or Josh for that matter...I start to get a little nervous.

Who is going to check in with me every day and share all the moments with him that I'm missing?

Who is going to keep an eye on him to make sure he's always safe and happy and not so much as a feeling is hurting on my boy?

The answer is no one.

He will be safe and he will have fun (I hope) for the most part in school. But there's going to be a lot of outside influences and a whole lot more variables in his life come August and I can't be sure he will always be happy. And no one will be there to protect his feelings anymore.

Also, he's going to miss her. Of course he is.

So, I'm wading through the anxiety, trying not to let Wes see any of it and counting down the days until August so I can just get it over with already and get used to this whole new thing. This whole new phase of life.

And if that doesn't work, only 154 days until Christmas break, right?