For the Love of Lori

posted on: Friday, July 13, 2012

Wes starts school in less than six weeks. Pre-school to be more specific. But he'll be going full time. All week, 7:30am until 2:30pm + aftercare three days a week (except Mondays I'm keeping him home with me, because I'm his mother and that's my perogative and no, I don't want to loose out on any time with my baby and before it's mandatory that he go five days a week that's just the way it's going to be and I don't want to hear anything about it).

This is giving me extreme anxiety. Not a surprise, because that's just what I do. Get anxious about stuff and this is going to be a big transition, so cue the insomnia and nervous leg bouncing! I've been trying to put my finger on exactly what's bothering me, because he's very ready for school. He's smart as a whip, excited to go and I know he will flourish in that environment. Also, since I'm keeping him home Mondays I won't miss any extra time with him that I'm not already. It's a good school, less than five minutes from my office and I'm comfortable with his classroom and what's the deal?

Then it hit me. Oh, Lori.

His babysitter Wednesday - Friday. I love her and I mean that. The kind of love that you have for someone you entrust with your most precious earthly posessions. I love her and her family and her beautiful home and the outstanding care she's given to Wes and will continue to provide for Oren. I love the feeling of trust and comfort I have knowing they're with her when I can't be and the feeling of peace I get knowing there is absolutely nothing I need to worry about when she's in charge.

I'm not sure if you remember the rather arduous search for a babysitter we endured after our first and last sitter moved away. But it was one of the most high anxiety, gut wrenching experiences I've had since becoming a parent. Not knowing if we'd be able to find the right person to trust with our kids, wondering if we'd have to settle for just someone and not the about sleepless nights. I remember our first meeting with Lori (after many, many, many failed prospects) sitting across her kitchen table fighting back tears of joy and relief, knowing she was everything I had been looking for.

She sends me pictures like this throughout the day with captions that say I love my job.

Or ones like this, telling me how proud she is of Wes because he was brave in the pool today.

She's even started taking Wes to swimming lessons on Wednesdays for me - her idea.

I could go on.

and on.

and on and on and on and on.

So, when I think about Wes starting school and his time being spent with someone other than Lori or Abby or me or Josh for that matter...I start to get a little nervous.

Who is going to check in with me every day and share all the moments with him that I'm missing?

Who is going to keep an eye on him to make sure he's always safe and happy and not so much as a feeling is hurting on my boy?

The answer is no one.

He will be safe and he will have fun (I hope) for the most part in school. But there's going to be a lot of outside influences and a whole lot more variables in his life come August and I can't be sure he will always be happy. And no one will be there to protect his feelings anymore.

Also, he's going to miss her. Of course he is.

So, I'm wading through the anxiety, trying not to let Wes see any of it and counting down the days until August so I can just get it over with already and get used to this whole new thing. This whole new phase of life.

And if that doesn't work, only 154 days until Christmas break, right?


  1. I know it's scary and you want to protect Wes from bad influences and hurt feelings, but life is full of bad influences and hurt feelings. He needs these experiences to become a well rounded person, or he might end up like... well, like some insolent, shitty, self-centered teenagers/adults that you know. For as much as school is about learning, it's also about functioning in a society. I think you'll find that the positive will outweigh the negative, and you'll conquer problems as they arise.

    And even though his personal attention ratio is going from 1:2/1:4/1:6 (however many children Lori watches) to 1:14 he will still be cared for! Yes, there are really awful teachers, but there are good ones too. We have eyes in the back of our heads and ears that are constantly listening. I remember nearly every one of the students I've worked with, and I only worked with them over 3-4 months, not a whole school year. I've found that preschool teachers are some of the most passionate because they're allowed more freedom with their curriculum. They're allowed to be more emotive with children and from that a lot of emphasis is placed on feelings and working with others.

    I always talked with parents when they dropped off/picked up their children. I always gave them a highlight of their child's day. My teaching experience left me with so many good feelings and memories. Heck, I liked one of my students so much that I'll probably name one of my children after her. I get so sad and frustrated that I could never find a teaching job because that's what I am seriously passionate about. Especially about changing the view of school (public schools in particular) from prison sentence to learning/communal/best-place-ever oasis.

    tl;dr School is scary, but everyone will survive and flourish.

    1. Obviously you're totally right. It's just hard for me to deal with these changes even though I know they are for the good.

      Probably has a little more to do with me not being ready for him to grow up than I'm willing to admit.

      Also, I like the part about you naming one of your future children after one of your students. Mostly the future children part! I can't wait for a little Marisa!!!

    2. I know you'll roll with the changes like a pro!

      Wes is just going to continue getting more and more interesting. Think of all the great projects he'll bring home! You'll get stories, cards, pictures-- so many examples of his progression that you'll keep forever.

      Also, hahaha. You'll be waiting awhile for little Marisa's-- at least 3 years if not longer. Besides, Abby has to make little Jabby's first. Right, Abby? ;)

    3. Yes, Jabbys!!!! I'll take as many as I can get!


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