For the Love of Lori

Wes starts school in less than six weeks. Pre-school to be more specific. But he'll be going full time. All week, 7:30am until 2:30pm + aftercare three days a week (except Mondays I'm keeping him home with me, because I'm his mother and that's my perogative and no, I don't want to loose out on any time with my baby and before it's mandatory that he go five days a week that's just the way it's going to be and I don't want to hear anything about it).

This is giving me extreme anxiety. Not a surprise, because that's just what I do. Get anxious about stuff and this is going to be a big transition, so cue the insomnia and nervous leg bouncing! I've been trying to put my finger on exactly what's bothering me, because he's very ready for school. He's smart as a whip, excited to go and I know he will flourish in that environment. Also, since I'm keeping him home Mondays I won't miss any extra time with him that I'm not already. It's a good school, less than five minutes from my office and I'm comfortable with his classroom and teacher...so what's the deal?

Then it hit me. Oh, Lori.

His babysitter Wednesday - Friday. I love her and I mean that. The kind of love that you have for someone you entrust with your most precious earthly posessions. I love her and her family and her beautiful home and the outstanding care she's given to Wes and will continue to provide for Oren. I love the feeling of trust and comfort I have knowing they're with her when I can't be and the feeling of peace I get knowing there is absolutely nothing I need to worry about when she's in charge.

I'm not sure if you remember the rather arduous search for a babysitter we endured after our first and last sitter moved away. But it was one of the most high anxiety, gut wrenching experiences I've had since becoming a parent. Not knowing if we'd be able to find the right person to trust with our kids, wondering if we'd have to settle for just someone and not the one...talk about sleepless nights. I remember our first meeting with Lori (after many, many, many failed prospects) sitting across her kitchen table fighting back tears of joy and relief, knowing she was everything I had been looking for.

She sends me pictures like this throughout the day with captions that say I love my job.

Or ones like this, telling me how proud she is of Wes because he was brave in the pool today.

She's even started taking Wes to swimming lessons on Wednesdays for me - her idea.

I could go on.

and on.

and on and on and on and on.

So, when I think about Wes starting school and his time being spent with someone other than Lori or Abby or me or Josh for that matter...I start to get a little nervous.

Who is going to check in with me every day and share all the moments with him that I'm missing?

Who is going to keep an eye on him to make sure he's always safe and happy and not so much as a feeling is hurting on my boy?

The answer is no one.

He will be safe and he will have fun (I hope) for the most part in school. But there's going to be a lot of outside influences and a whole lot more variables in his life come August and I can't be sure he will always be happy. And no one will be there to protect his feelings anymore.

Also, he's going to miss her. Of course he is.

So, I'm wading through the anxiety, trying not to let Wes see any of it and counting down the days until August so I can just get it over with already and get used to this whole new thing. This whole new phase of life.

And if that doesn't work, only 154 days until Christmas break, right?

Thank you, Natalie

one of my fave bloggers dropped this little gem on me today. and you know, what? it was exactly what i've needed to hear lately.



how often do we despair unnecessarily? if we could only see the mere inches that stand between us and our goals, do you think we'd try even harder to get there? or just better enjoy the journey?



so thank you, natalie.

new goal: relax. stop worrying about the future and all of the what ifs. life's pretty good right now.

enjoy it.

Daredevil

so, about once every 6 years or so, something really wonderful happens. 

fiona apple gets around to releasing a new record and subsequently goes on tour.

this makes me very happy.

(josh asked my dad for his permission to marry me in a loud, dark corner

of the last fiona apple concert we attended. that's how long it's been.) 

see my happy face

even in 90+ degree heat at an outdoor venue, sitting on the 

ground with my underwear plastered to my butt i'm still happy

so happy

let me put it to you this way:

• 1. Fast As You Can 
  2. On The Bound 
  3. Shadowboxer 
  4. Anything We Want 
  5. Paper Bag 
  6. Get Gone 
  7. Sleep To Dream 
  8. Extraordinary Machine 
  9. Werewolf 
  10. Used to Love Him 
  11. Daredevil 
  12. I Know 
  13. Every Single Night 
  14. Not About Love 
  15. Carrion 
  16. Criminal 
  17. Encore:
  17. It's Only Make Believe 
      (Conway Twitty cover)
      
      

yeah. basically every song you'd love to hear and then some.

pretty much the anthology. (although i would't have minded parting gift.)

also, not much else beats watching fiona sing, play piano and little kid dance the night away. 

she totally dances like a four year old. like, stomps her feet and spins in circles and falls on the ground a lot and it pretty much makes me love all 85 feisty pounds of her even more than I already did. 

which is a lot. 

plus i got to see this guy. 

that'd be his hair he's carrying folded up like a pendaflex under his arm.

the whole time i just kept thinking that he really needs a better hair transportation system. 

can you imagine carrying that around all the time? he watched the show from inside the pavillion too. 

do you think he bought an extra seat for his hair? or did he just hold it in his lap the whole time? holy hotness, i can not even imagine this. get a hair purse or a messenger bag or something to put that shiz in for heaven's sake. 

you wanna know what the best part is?

he's apparently been growing his hair out for so long that the end section is still brown. it slooooooowly fades lighter and lighter from brown to grey and then finally to snow white at the very top of his head. that's how long he's been growing it. he's actually documented his entire hair color history in a living natural ombre color story coming out of his head. 

amazing.

i love you crazy fiona apple and your crazy, nutso fans.

the end.

The 4th!

was just as it is every year...except maybe 15 degrees hotter than i can ever remember it being. wes was in two neighborhood parades in the morning 

(where we never ever win for best decorated bike or trike - three years losing!) followed by a family cookout at home with lots of good food, 

the prerequisite lame grocery store fireworks and lots and lots of sparklers.

oh, and there was sweating too. 

lots and lots of sweating. 

no, seriously. 

so

much

sweating.

Remember Me?

Hey guys. I don't want to make a bunch of excuses or anything, but as you may or may not have noticed, I haven't exactly been blowing up the interwebs with my eloquent prose and deeps thoughts on life much lately. (How have you even been able to cope, really?) ;) And that's because in the last 22 days I've only worked exactly 4 of those. So, I've been using all of this glorious time off to relax, enjoy my family and friends and stay about as far away from computers as I can get. (iphones don't count). It's been really nice. Instead of emails, AutoCAD drawings and client meetings, the last few weeks have been filled with swimming and hiking, napping and traveling, lunching, pedicure-getting, picnicking and road-tripping, moviegoing, museum-ing(?), and lots and lots of ice cream eating.

It was glorious. And it's been hot and sunny every single one of those days off. I honestly don't think I've ever experienced this many consecutively sunny days in my life. I kind of feel like we're going to be punished for all of this nice weather somehow. This just doesn't happen here. Here, we do cloudy. It's kind of our thing. So anyways, what I'm saying is that these past few weeks have been such a treat, and I'm so refreshed and thankful for the break. But as you can see now, my computer and I are speaking again and so it's back to our regularly scheduled programming, including a new post on our 4th of July! Hopefully coming tomorrowish? (We'll see, still getting back into my groove).

Hope you all are enjoying this summer as much as me!


(Also, I might add, it's only a two day work week this week and then three more days off. That I can handle. Especially because I'm seeing Fiona tomorrow night with some friends and have you seen this crazy with the squid on her head?! She's nuts, and genius and I can't wait!)

Oren Henry in his 14th month of life

14 months is kind of a weird time to do a baby update, but he has been changing and doing and speaking so much lately, it's out of control. He is on the verge of a language explosion right now. Every single day, some new word or phrase pops out of his mouth and I clap and squeal and run straight for my camera and forcibly try to get him to recreate the moment. Usually this fails. Oh, the videos I have of Oren just staring at the camera blankly while I try all manner of embarrasing methods to get him to do or say something.

Example:

Lately, when you sing "Row, Row, Row Your Boat" he starts doing these crazy hand movements like he's in a Madonna Vogue video and it's amazing and hysterical and I have no idea why he does it or where it came from, but it's brilliant! But, for the life of me, he will not do it for the camera. No way, no how, uh-uh. The result: so very many videos of me singing "Row, Row, Row Your Boat" in progressively more frustrated iterations while he just picks at his toes and acts like he doesn't know what the crazy lady behind the camera is going on about.

Things he also does at 14 months of age:

"woofs" like a dog and "roars" like a lion/tiger/dino/whaterverroaringanimalyouputinhisface

(here is his T-Rex roar:)



He's also got quite a few words under his belt now. The usual suspects, "mama", "dada", "hi", and of course, "NO".

But also, "row boat" (not captured on camera), "hot" and his current favorite phrase, "cool, huh"?
Wes says this all the time and Oren has definitely picked it up from him. Oh man, is it cute. It almost killed me the first time he said it. I was afraid I might actually eat him.

I managed to get video of him saying just "cool" while playing with his current favorite (not actually a) toy, the clock.





The other big thing with him right now is major separation anxiety. Which is a first for me, as Wes has been ready to move out of the house since the day he was born. If you know me (and, let's face it, if you're reading this blog, you probably do) between the two of us I always have had way more anxiety about leaving Wes than he's had about leaving me.

All and all we figure we have about one more year with him before he finally just packs up his star wars bookbag and hits the open road.

Oren, on ther other hand, is trying to figure out a way to get back inside my uterus. Which is really the only way he will truly ever be comfortable again. He wails when I leave the house but I'm told (by either my relieved family and friends or those tender-hearted, lying masochists) that he usually calms down after a few minutes and some major distractions.

But when I'm home, all bets are off. Generally, he's in my arms/on my hip/up my shirt most of the time. He's even usually cool with being set down and playing or running around as long as I'm nearby. BUT, should I dare walk out of his line of vision at any point, even if it's to retrieve something for him, the entire house is subject to an immediate, relentless and grating whine-cry. You know the one. Which, if I don't stop quickly, escalates into a full on tatrum-crying so hard he's in silent mode-hyperventilation, thing. Me taking a shower is equal to a night in Guantanamo for him. Which is to say, a kind of torcherous horror with no obvious solution.

(Side note: Things that keep me up at night are: global warming, childhood lukemia, Guantanamo Bay, North Korea. In that order.)

What is this? And what do you do about it when your kid demands full access to you at all times?

I know it's only a phase, but for those of you that have been there, how long does this usually last?
How did you cope? Or are you still wearing your 20somethings around in an ergo while you apply makeup or take a pee?

Hit me up in the comments section, you wonderful readers, you.

Much thanks!

Baywatch Baby

Finally, finally, finally this is the last post and last batch of pictures from our time in northern Michigan! (What, so soon? I know, I know!) Anyway, these photos are from the tail end of the trip which didn't involve too much more than visiting an awesome lego store in downtown Traverse City that Wes had been begging to go inside since day one and lots more beach pictures. I call it a lego "store" but it didn't actually sell any legos, per se. It was just part of a traveling exhibit that had a bunch of cool displays and amazing lego sculptures. Also, the kids could make their own lego cars and race them, and they had plenty to just build with too, of course. 

For our last hurrah on our way out of town Monday afternoon we ended up back in Empire, MI at the most beautiful beach we had found for one last dip in the lake (post hotel checkout) and an opportunity for Oren to cover himself head to toe in sand just before embarking on our seven hour return trip home with no chance to shower or bathe. We are terrible planners. Also, could that sentence have been any longer? Regardless, you only live once and none of us could resist one last chance to jump in.  I mean, look at this place, could you?

getting good and sandy

we love you, Michigan

see you again soon!