Is Thing On?

I have been mostly absent from this blog since the beginning of the year. I didn't plan for it to happen, but life changes that way. Since the election and the subsequent installment of the new administration (and all that has come along with it), I have found it difficult to sit down and write about light hearted outings or wax poetic over another of my children's milestones.  It all just seems SO unimportant when there are babies being attacked with chemical weapons in Syria or a climate change denier is heading up the EPA. The truth is, I'm overwhelmed. On a macro and micro level, 2017 has been a real shit storm. Josh was laid off from his job a few weeks back, and although we are doing fine and new job opportunities are on the horizon, the uncertainty and sad feelings surrounding the situation are another hurdle to face every day. It's exhausting to keep up with the day to day routines of life when the world seems to be falling apart around you. And it's especially hard to justify sitting down to write a blog post when my anxiety about the world is telling me that there are a million other things that would be a better use of my time and energy. That said, I do miss having a keeping place for the good memories and little things I don't want to forget.  I don't want to look back on this time in my life and see that I let the bad parts completely eclipse the everyday beautiful moments that ARE here. So I will try to get back to this place a little more often, I know down the road I will be glad I did.

In the mean time, here are a few life updates to catch everyone up:

Oren turns SIX in a couple weeks. That is crazy to me. That kid should be no older than two and I have no idea how we've gotten to six already.

Ever is completely weaned. Josh had a vasectomy. So, no more babies in our house ever again. 

I have been reading so many books on race in America. There is so much information out there and so much to learn that I feel infinitely behind. I'm hosting a discussion group at my house Friday, May 12th at 7pm to review two of these books. I'd love if you could join us. We're reading The New Jim Crow by Michelle Alexander and Hillbilly Elegy by J.D. Vance. If you live too far away to join us or book discussion groups just aren't your thing (but staying woke is) I'd still love if you'd give these a read and let me know what you think.

Josh is the new chairman of the Wadsworth Democrats. I'm really proud of him. Change starts at the grassroots level and he is already doing great things.

My mom and I launched a new website for our bow/headband company. (So long Etsy!) Yes, this is a shameless plug. Go check it out, maybe tell a friend? #ad

https://www.everirisdesigns.com/

Also, Easter is this weekend? I really and sincerely hope to be back here with cute egg hunt pictures soon. In the mean time, it feels good to be writing a bit again. Depression is real y'all, and so is self care. I just wanted to throw that out there in case anyone needed to hear that today, Do what you have to do to take care of yourself and don't ever be ashamed of it. 

xoxo

New Hair (and I helped!)

So a few weeks ago after we had Wes's birthday party I was scrolling through the photos and noticed my hair looking particularly horrific after a day of running around and sweating profusely. Evidenced below.

And I thought to myself; self, you've gone too far. I've been growing it out forever and ever now and I think I finally realized that it had reached the point where the length was no longer doing me any favors. I could flat iron it and load it up with as many hair products as I wanted to but my hair is just way too thick and naturally curly to maintain at that length. Sooo, cue a desperate email to my girl, Mary (hair-cutter extraordinaire) and she quickly righted the situation with a few swift snips of the scissors and a few less inches of crazy hair. Ahhhh, things were looking up.

But while I was there we also talked about me trying out her newest genius idea, an at-home hair color treatment. A few months back Mary was out of commission with an injury that left her off her feet and off of work while she took some much needed time to heal and recover. While she was out her clients who regularly have their hair dyed were getting desperate and resorted to grocery store box color. Now, I've never colored my own hair before, I've always left that up to the professionals because 1. I'd always heard how bad it was for your hair (says the lady who flat irons her hair within an inch of its life every single day, go figure.) and 2. I never trusted myself enough to do it on my own with out screwing it up.

But Mary's thought is this, if you dye your hair an all over color, why are you paying someone (her) a bunch of extra money just to apply it to your head when you could easily do it yourself? She trusts us, she really trusts us! So she started offering her clients the option to buy their color from her (the good stuff!) and do it themselves at home.

Um, hello brilliant! I've never heard of another stylist offering this, but it seems like such an obviously great idea I'm not sure HOW no one has thought of it before. All the benefits of professional grade hair color without all the extra cost and time investment. So here's how it works. You make an initial appointment with Mary and you determine what color and what amount will work for your hair.  Only a 15 minute consultation and you're all set! She gives you everything you'll need to do it at home including a shower cap, gloves, little ear covers (or as Mary calls them, Barbie shower caps) and of course step by step instructions on how to do it. It's really not that hard, but if you should happen to forget for instance, how long she told you to leave it on, it's all right there for your reference. And off you go to work your own magic at home for way less money than having her do it at the salon. Also, she keeps this info in your file and from then on out she can just mail out your color to you whenever you want more. You don't even need to go in to the salon at all. Busy ladies rejoice! 

Why am I telling you about this and why am I dedicating an entire blog post to it? Because I honestly think it is a really, really smart idea. And  because in addition to being my friend, Mary is a local, super hardworking mama who gets what it feels like to be short on time and funds. She started this little business as an answer to a void in the marketplace she saw that needed filling and I really want to support her and other awesome, enterprising women just like her. Because that's what this world needs, a lot more women supporting women. Especially those in our own communities who are doing what it takes to keep their small businesses going all on their own. And I also think a lot of you out there might really benefit  from something like this. I mean think about it. You're busy, stressed, tired, you know, the usual, but you just found a bunch of gray hairs or your roots are all grown out, or your hair just feels blah. Of course you really don't feel like finding the time to get to the salon. Wouldn't it be so much easier to just pull that bottle of personalized hair color out of your bathroom cabinet and throw it on after the kids are in bed while you watch Breaking Bad and eat a pint of Ben & Jerry's? That just sounds way more appealing to me than carving a few hours out of my weekend just for a trip to the salon for color maintenance. Plus I tried it out and it's just as wonderful as I thought it would be! It's not too hard to do on your own, even for a first-timer. Although full disclosure, I did have Abby on hand while I was doing it in case things got messy or I panicked and needed assistance. (Plus somebody needed to take the pictures ;). And if you've been dying your hair from a box of color you already have the system down, this is just a way better alternative for healthier hair. And in the end it was really no big deal at all. Totally easy and completely doable. And now I have nice new hair and a pretty dark color for the impending fall season. LOVE IT.

If this sounds like something that might work for you get in touch with Mary and she'll set you right up!

LouLou in Hollywood - call, text or email! All info is on her website, right here!

30 (a few days early)

Maybe I should be stressed out that I'll be turning thirty in just a few days, but I've been having so much fun celebrating it instead I kinda just wish I could turn thirty every year. Josh and I will be out of town over my actual birthday so this past weekend was designated birthday weekend with the family. My mom and stepdad had us over Friday night for a delicious dinner of smoked ribs and homemade mac n cheese, coleslaw, freshly picked green beans and Abby made a free-form peach tart. My momma also surprised me with thirty little packages of thirty things; thirty of my favorite flavored jelly beans, thirty stamps, a thirty dollar gift certificate for the cheescake factory...you get the idea. She's the cutest and the best, and I'm the luckiest to have such a sweet and thoughtful lady I get to call my mom ;) 

(Jay wins for best card/gift though)

Saturday I painted my living room and scrubbed floors and dusted blinds so we won't talk about how much fun that day was, but Sunday!... Sunday was the best! One of my favorite people in the whole wide world came for a visit. Adam and his sweet and silly step daughter Jordyn spent the day hanging with us, eating mexican and way too many popsicles. Pretty much exactly how every summer day should go in my opinion.

(not accessorized, no art or new light fixture up yet,  Oh, and photo taken with my iphone so don't judge me too hard, but still leagues ahead of the mustard yellow walls we had been living with. Baby steps, Emily, baby steps...)

Sunday evening it was my dad and step mom's turn to serve up yet another delicious dinner. Even though my dad wasn't feeling well he still pulled off the shrimp and roasted red pepper risotto dish from this cookbook. So, so good. And because Abby likes to spoil me she made me a raspberry/peach crisp. Light on the crisp, heavy on the gooey, just like I like it. 

Like I said, I'm the luckiest.

From My Birthday

yesterday was my birthday (29!)

it was pretty darn good for a tuesday.

there were flowers from my boss. cards, gifts, homemade

blueberry muffins and pecan tarts from the girls at work.

dinner at blue point grill with my handsome husband.

sweet presents picked out especially for me from sir weston.

(he chose a snowflake necklace - that boy knows his mama).

kind messages from my family and friends made my day and even

my dad left me a voicemail of him singing me happy birthday.

plus abby made me apple dumplings the other night and she's

making me strawberry shortcake tonight.

and oren...

well, he slept through the night.

what more could a girl ask for?

thank you, everyone!

xoxo

p.s. today is my mom's 50th birthday! post on that celebration coming later.

happy birthday, mom. i love you!

An Open Letter To My Pump

Dear Lansinoh Double Electric Breast Pump,

You know, I wasn't so sure about you at first. I knew I wanted to EBF Oren if I was able this time around. Things were going so well in that department that when I had to head back to work after 8 weeks of blissful maternity leave and round the clock nursing, I was sure you were going to ruin everything. I'd never pumped at work before - I thought it would be awkward and time consuming and stressful. I thought everyone would know what I was doing in there and it would be really, super wierd. But guess what? They did know what I was doing in there and guess what else? No one gave a crap. I also worried I wouldn't be able to make it work. I was afraid I wouldn't be able to pump enough to meet my hungry little dude's needs. Or that I wouldn't be able to take the time out of every day to get it done and I was so afraid I would have to supplement.

But we didn't! He never needed a single drop a formula! And it was all thanks to you! Turns out we make a really great team, you and me. And besides washing your millions of little pieces-parts every single day, twice a day...I'm actually going to miss you. We had a lot of good times in that little private bathroom together. I actually kind of began to enjoy those twenty minute breaks in my day where I'd sit down with a good book and relax a little while I pumped...I know...it surprised me too!

But now Oren's one, and he's onto sippy cups and whole milk, and our time together has finally come to an end. And it's really unfortunate because I'm sort of going through an Amy Tan phase right now and this not pumping anymore thing is really putting a wrench into my reading time. But the point is, we made it through the year together. A whole year and we made it work. If you can't tell - I'm really proud of us.

So anyway, I just wanted to say thanks and give you a high five or a fist bump or something because, we did it. We so totally did it.

Love,
me

Panic

It all started Thursday night. Wes was on his way to bed after a long day when he stopped short at the bottom of the stairs and vomited all over the floor and down the front of his clothes. We had just gotten back from his superhero class and dinner. I'd gotten him an ice cream after dinner and knew something wasn't right when he barely touched it. Josh was at a work event and I was home alone with the boys. Thankfully, Oren was asleep in his carseat from the drive home so I could give all my attention to my poor (I can't believe this is actually happening again) sick boy.

It was gastroenteritis (you know, the stomach flu). And by the next night I had it and by the following morning Oren had it too. This in and of itself is no fun at all, but at least it's short lived. Only lasting about a day, it disappeared about as quickly as it came. My problem is what it lead to, which for me, was a panic attack.

I wanted to write about this because it's something I've been dealing with for about the last six or seven years. I know I'm not the only one to deal with anxiety issues, but it's so rarely talked about, sometimes I feel like I am.

I don't get them often, only about once a year on average, I'd say. My panic attacks are not frequent and are not something I have to deal with often, thank god. Usually they're triggered by an emotional event...having Wes for example. Right after he was born, on our first night home I had one. But also when I get really sick, usually the vomiting kind of sick, seems to now end in a panic attack. And with as sick as we have all been this winter, it's now happened twice this month alone.

If you've never experienced a panic attack, the best way I can describe them is to say that they are so totally bizarre and scary. What usually happens with me is they come out of nowhere in the middle of the night. It almost always wakes me up out of a dead sleep. Panicked, of course, I wake up shaking like a leaf, heart racing, sweating, blood pressure through the roof, teeth chattering, tingly arms and hands, lightheaded, with shortness of breath that I can't control (like hyperventilating), nauseous, and if I haven't been already, vomiting. It's like I wake up in the middle of a crisis that's not really happening. I have all the symptoms of panicking but without an actual reason to do so. (It's not like I'm being hunted down by a murderer --- it's completely uncalled for!) In my head I realize there is nothing actually wrong and no reason to be panicked but I can't shut down or control the physical symptoms despite knowing this. They completely take over my body and I just feel trapped inside of it. It's absolutely miserable and I've never been able to stop one without medical intervention.

Because I vomit so much when it happens, or as in the case this month I vomit so much it triggers one, I quickly become dehydrated. Earlier this month it happened in the middle of the night and Josh took me to the ER where they got it under control with just anti nausea medicine and two bags of IV fluid. Sometimes I need a dose of anti-anxiety medicine (like a xanax) to stop it. Sometimes all I need is re-hydrated...

They've checked my heart with an EKG to see if the underlying cause is a heart issue linked to dehydration since it always sends my heart rate through the roof, but nothing turned up there. Basically, they don't know why I get them or how to stop them from happening without medication. As I've said, they've been infrequent enough that I've resisted going on a daily anxiety medication to prevent them. But now, with two this month alone, I'm feeling like a daily medication might be the only answer. I certainly don't want to have any more (ever again, please!) and trips to the ER are not cheap or fun. This weekend when it happened it was during the day and I was able to just go to an urgent care down the street to be treated. But they usually happen at night when the emergency room is the only option.

I'm not sure yet just how this will all work out, or if this is something I will have to continue to deal with for the rest of my life. But I wanted to be honest about this thing I've been dealing with so much lately. And I wanted to talk openly about it so anyone else out there who might be reading this and might be facing something similar knows they are not the only one. It's scary and inconvenient and totally crappy when it happens, but I also know that I'm not crazy and it does happen to other other people and I will figure out some way to manage.

Has anything like this ever happened to you? I'd love to hear how you've dealt with it (and best of luck to you if you're like me and still figuring it out!)