The Changing of Seasons

posted on: Friday, March 4, 2011

It's March now and I can feel the anticipation rising in my chest. March, the month where winter battles spring, where dark heavy snow clouds and endless gray skies give way to sunnier days, warm gentle breezes and the determined tiny buds of new life. Unstoppable, inevitable.

Since that hot August day when I first discovered the new life growing inside of me, facing months of chilly weather, heavy coats and holiday planning, spring has always been the finish line. It seemed so far away in those first few sweltering weeks, waiting for the cold to come. Fall, then winter and now, at long last, spring. It's so close I can feel it, every cell of my being pulsing with expectation.

It's March now and the battle inside of me is waging too. Excitement and trepidation rush over me in waves of opposing emotion. I soak up these last normal days, the comfortable routine, this precious time of pregnancy. So strange and amazing. Watching my body transform before my eyes, I try to focus on the present and how easily I will forget how it even felt to be here. Memorizing the feel of the little flutters from within, locking them into my memory. Watching the baby move under my skin, elbows and knees rippling across my abdomen. This tight, hot belly, stretching out in front of me.  Knowing it will be gone soon, this temporary body I'm living in, and soon enough there will be no sign of what was once here. These few fleeting months with my baby all to myself, their movements our little secret, just for me. The wonder of not knowing who this person is yet and how they will change my life in unimaginable ways. Amazement at the love and closeness I already feel for them.

It's March now and as springtime shows it's imminence and the world begins to blossom around me I feel myself blossoming too, readying. That moment is finally, unexpectedly, upon me. I feel my old life giving way to my new, changing with the seasons. I let the cold, familiar grip of winter slip away and embrace the long awaited springtime and with it all the new life it will bring.


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